Why only fix 1/2 the problem? Your father would slap the piss out of you if he was here today because of what you and that idiot family that you married into have done to this once great franchise. Why does it take you assholes so long to figure out that someone does not get the job done? I often wondered who Lovie Smith was sleeping with at Halas Hall to remain on the payroll, I assumed it was Jerry Angelo. Now with Jerry gone and Lovie still here…it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out who he is sleeping with to keep his job now does it?

Untie Phil Emery’s hands, shitcan Lovie Smith, shitcan Darryl Drake, lets fix the WHOLE problem…not just 1/2 of it!

Allow Phil Emery to bring greatness back to this franchise!

Don’t worry, Lovie will be fine. He will have a job as the token Rooney Rule candidate for a great many years to come!

That being said, I strongly suggest that our friend Yeti drinks more lighter fluid.

1) OUT-FUCKING-STANDING!!!!!

2) You just out-ranted all of my rants. Well done, sir. My sincere compliments to you.

Dear Theo,

In light of the retiring of Kerry Wood, I know I am not alone in saying the Cubs never should have given in to the fanboy mentality and should not have re-signed him in the first place. His performance during the Cubs’ first month-plus did nothing to move this team forward.

It is hoped that you are going to do everything possible to start stockpiling talent and signing only one or two key veterans (w/o breaking the bank) that will eventually build the Chicago Cubs into a legitimate World Series contender. In the short term, may I suggest that you and whichever Ricketts family member is running the Cubs and have a long talk about changing the losing culture of this franchise.

An article in the Tribune (Sun-Times? Blog? Not sure at this point) painted an accurate Reader’s Digest version of WTF is wrong with the Cubs: for decades, the powers that be at Wrigley have marketed the Cubs as a classic baseball experience, and more recently as “The Loveable Losers”. Meanwhile, expansion franchises in Arizona and Florida (TWICE) have World Series banners, our eternal arch-rivals from St Louis have won their last two World Series as Wild Card ntrants…and Chicago’s two entries in professional soccer have won three league championships in the last 30 years that I have been a Cubs fan.

The on-field performances will get better through shrewd drafting, trading, and free-agent signings; in the meantime, it is time to send a message to those within the Cubs organization and our rivals, critics and observers without:

WE’RE DONE FUCKING AROUND.

1) All the statues around Wrigley Field are monuments to noble failure. All their years of faithful service, and the Cubs could never build a World Series team around them. Remove them, ASAP.

2) The celebrities singing the seventh inning stretch? That needs to end, also ASAP. Harry Caray is long dead. If Major League Soccer fans can sing the National Anthem en masse (and a capella) before the start of games, Cubs fans can sing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” en masse to the accompaniment of the organist.

3) Ronnie Woo Woo needs to go away. Do it with dignity if possible and feasible, get him a job or put him an home. Homeless men fame-whoring themselves as Cub fans in not cool. Not anymore.

4) “Go, Cubs, Go”? See #2.

5) Wrigley Field needs to step into the twenty-first century. Burn down the ivy and put up rubber and/or foam padding on the outfield walls. Modern scoreboards. Modern restroom facilities that can be maintained on a regular basis so fans won’t have to “hold it” for three hours. The quaint touches to Wrigley make it look like Major League Baseball has passed the Cubs by (see: Arizona/Florida/St Louis). This will be controversial, but tear up the bleachers and put in actual seats. No more drunken fans brawling or garbage strewn, pigeon filled empty bleachers.

6) Controversy time: Wrigley Field needs to be seriously renovated or replaced. But whatever you do, don’t even think about trying to extort the City of Chicago and/or the State of Illinois for the money unless you can guarantee in writing that you can build a World Series winner within five to ten years. Reason a) Illinois is fucking broke, and the state doesn’t have the money to operate, much less pay for “breads and circuses”. Reason b) Too many owners in too many sports pull bullshit like this: taking the people’s money, charging expensive ticket prices, then pocketing the money instead of putting a championship contender on the field (looking at you, Cincinnati Bengals). Try to raise some money by selling bonds to private investors for the money…sell some to those bastards at TribuneCo in exchange for the TV rights.

7) Lastly, tell the Ricketts family to stay the fuck out of the spotlight until the Cubs get their hands on the W/S Trophy. From “Undercover Boss” to the recent SuperPAC flap, they have just been one embarrassment after another. No one wants to see the owners make fools of themselves while the home team loses 20-0 to the Astros. The Ricketts need to just sit down, shut up, and sign checks. End of discussion.

Bottom line: It is time for someone to say, “We are the Chicago Cubs, and we are back to being a Major League Baseball team”.

That someone is YOU, Mister Epstein.

Forward, march. Go Cubs.