NEW YORK – 1947: Portrait taken in 1947 by Philippe Halsman of Albert Einstein. Halsman’s photograph of Einstein was used as a basis for the United States 8 cent postage stamp issued in 1961. (Photo by:Philippe Halsman/AFP/Getty Images)

If Albert Einstein was alive today, he’d be saying: “I told you so.” WTF, you say? It’s simple: the gravitational waves have been detected.

And just how is this relevant to “us”? Well, I just happened to hear from “Albert” recently (he used to post here as “e=mc2” but misplaced his user name/pw; I’ve just provided him with that info).


Dear Gentleman and Lady fans of the Chicago Bears, your National Football League professional sports organization.

I trust that you are enjoying a break from the game, now that the Super Bowl has been completed, as this marks the end of another miserable football season for fans of the Chicago Bears. My hope is that you will find a vestige of peace and comfort during the “off-season” (a term that I find to be rather peculiar,  as the Chicago Bears appeared to be “off” during most of their just completed campaign).

As you know, data intrigues me. Some have accused me of being obsessive. Many have asked of me “Albert, why do you spend so many hours in the lab? What do you do for fun?”

I regret that at this time, current obligations do not allow me to respond to the aforementioned question in detail. However, I am pleased to share some information with you. You may initially find this information to be quite disturbing, but my fervent hope is that you can eventually accept the truth, which could lead to a peaceful, easy feeling. After all, is a life without comfort worth living?

So take heart: There is absolutely no reason to expect your beloved Chicago Bears to contend for any prizes in 2016-2017.

Why waste your life expecting any measure of success?  There is absolutely no data to suggest that the current owners and upper level management are capable of achieving success. They have not spent enough time in the lab, and even if they did it would not alter the course as their collective intelligence is sorely lacking.

“Albert, take heart, you say?” Yes. Take heart. Let go of any expectations for success.

You may choose to view the upcoming season as a comedy of errors. Enjoy the comedy, laugh. Laughter is good for the soul.

Or, choose to ignore the proceedings entirely. Rather than pondering, reading about, or watching/listening to anything related to the Chicago Bears professional football team, ignore the numbskulls behind the curtain and simply have fun.

But if you must pay attention to the National Football League, I encourage you to observe successful teams and players, even those that you despise or wish failure upon.

For example: You despise the New England Patriots. They are magnificent cheaters, and the mere thought of Bill Belichik and Tom Brady leads to feelings of nausea, deep anger and relentless resentment. In some cases, depression may ensue.

Re-frame the picture. Imagine the unadulterated joy that the New England Patriots (National Football League professional sports team) regularly bestow upon their fans. Year in, year out – regardless of injuries and off-field distractions – the New England Patriots perform admirably on the field. Their owner Mr. Kraft is clearly intelligent and while making money is certainly a priority, the data suggests that winning is, too. How refreshing(!).

Imagine what it would be like if your team (the Chicago Bears National Football league professional sports team) had achieved similar success the last 10-15 years. Hard to fathom, but let’s give it a try:

…the Chicago Bears are well run organization, from top to bottom…they are a great football team…they are winners…

Breath deep, visualize it all….take a deep breath….repeat. And again.

Finally….forget about it and move on.

Gentlemen and Ladies, I leave you with this:

Allow yourself to admire and enjoy the success of others. Lest not we forget the 7 Deadly Sins (“envy” is a bitch).

You may not be ready to release “the envy”. If so, proceed cautiously with “the bitch” (beware of “lust”). But I digress…(perhaps Sigmund will moderate that discussion at a future time).

Back to the lab. There is much data to process regarding other Chicago professional sports teams…and the like. There is never enough time, it seems.

Fondly, Albert

7 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: The Bears are DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.”

  1. Fro Dog Says:

    We should thank Albert for his tiring research in regards to this situation. Not only does he visit the worst site on the internet, but he tells it like he sees it. He goes through every possible experiment to try to come up with the best theory (reality) there is.

    That being said, I am very ANGRY with these results.

  2. genrebuster Says:

    Fro, I am ANGRY, too. Our friend chucky has embraced his anger and expresses it freely; I believe we should do the same.

    Speaking of anger, I wonder what our old friend The Ghost of Leo Durocher would say? Too bad he’s not a football fan. HA!

  3. chucky Says:

    ANGER is my friend.

  4. genrebuster Says:

    Matt Forte is gone.

    Congratulations Matt! You escaped from the cesspool!

  5. Fro Dog Says:

    We all knew this day was coming. The Bears couldn’t afford the cap space to give Forte with Langford and Carey under contract. That’s why Langford was drafted. Forte was all that the Bears had these last few years. It sucks, but it’s a business.

    I am sure he’ll go to the Packers. They aren’t happy with Eddie Lacy, so they want insurance by taking a veteran back rather than invest more into another young running back.

  6. Kayla S Says:

    This is a great poost

  7. genrebuster Says:

    Thank You very much, I’ll relay the compliment to Albert as possible.


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