Fire Ryan Poles | Fire Matt Eberflus

As you may have noticed, we haven’t had much activity going around on here, the darkest corner of the internet. It’s been a busy few weeks for me.

The Blackhawks are doing their thing on the ice as well as off the ice. It’s great to see an old friend in Andrew Ladd return. If only the Blackhawks would have brought back Dustin Byfuglien and the meatballs would have been in a frenzy. Oh well. Good win by them as well against the Capitals this past Sunday. That was a close one.

The Bulls continue to be a tire fire and will remain that way for the next decade. I think most of us NBA fans are aware that the Warriors are what the Bulls were in the 90’s. They may very well win five or six in a row. As of this writing, they are one win ahead of the pace of the 1995-96 Bulls for the best record in an NBA regular season. I never thought I would see a team get close to that mark.

Last, but not least, the Bears still have Ted Phillips employed. That fucking sucks. But hey, Alshon Jeffery is coming back with the franchise tag. Let’s pray the Bears don’t fuck it up by letting him go after next season.

Your thoughts as always, are welcome below.

NEW YORK – 1947: Portrait taken in 1947 by Philippe Halsman of Albert Einstein. Halsman’s photograph of Einstein was used as a basis for the United States 8 cent postage stamp issued in 1961. (Photo by:Philippe Halsman/AFP/Getty Images)

If Albert Einstein was alive today, he’d be saying: “I told you so.” WTF, you say? It’s simple: the gravitational waves have been detected.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/albert-einstein-scientists-detect-gravitational-waves/story?id=36858618

And just how is this relevant to “us”? Well, I just happened to hear from “Albert” recently (he used to post here as “e=mc2” but misplaced his user name/pw; I’ve just provided him with that info).

Dear Gentleman and Lady fans of the Chicago Bears, your National Football League professional sports organization.

I trust that you are enjoying a break from the game, now that the Super Bowl has been completed, as this marks the end of another miserable football season for fans of the Chicago Bears. My hope is that you will find a vestige of peace and comfort during the “off-season” (a term that I find to be rather peculiar,  as the Chicago Bears appeared to be “off” during most of their just completed campaign).

As you know, data intrigues me. Some have accused me of being obsessive. Many have asked of me “Albert, why do you spend so many hours in the lab? What do you do for fun?”

I regret that at this time, current obligations do not allow me to respond to the aforementioned question in detail. However, I am pleased to share some information with you. You may initially find this information to be quite disturbing, but my fervent hope is that you can eventually accept the truth, which could lead to a peaceful, easy feeling. After all, is a life without comfort worth living?

So take heart: There is absolutely no reason to expect your beloved Chicago Bears to contend for any prizes in 2016-2017.

Why waste your life expecting any measure of success?  There is absolutely no data to suggest that the current owners and upper level management are capable of achieving success. They have not spent enough time in the lab, and even if they did it would not alter the course as their collective intelligence is sorely lacking.

“Albert, take heart, you say?” Yes. Take heart. Let go of any expectations for success.

You may choose to view the upcoming season as a comedy of errors. Enjoy the comedy, laugh. Laughter is good for the soul.

Or, choose to ignore the proceedings entirely. Rather than pondering, reading about, or watching/listening to anything related to the Chicago Bears professional football team, ignore the numbskulls behind the curtain and simply have fun.

But if you must pay attention to the National Football League, I encourage you to observe successful teams and players, even those that you despise or wish failure upon.

For example: You despise the New England Patriots. They are magnificent cheaters, and the mere thought of Bill Belichik and Tom Brady leads to feelings of nausea, deep anger and relentless resentment. In some cases, depression may ensue.

Re-frame the picture. Imagine the unadulterated joy that the New England Patriots (National Football League professional sports team) regularly bestow upon their fans. Year in, year out – regardless of injuries and off-field distractions – the New England Patriots perform admirably on the field. Their owner Mr. Kraft is clearly intelligent and while making money is certainly a priority, the data suggests that winning is, too. How refreshing(!).

Imagine what it would be like if your team (the Chicago Bears National Football league professional sports team) had achieved similar success the last 10-15 years. Hard to fathom, but let’s give it a try:

…the Chicago Bears are well run organization, from top to bottom…they are a great football team…they are winners…

Breath deep, visualize it all….take a deep breath….repeat. And again.

Finally….forget about it and move on.

Gentlemen and Ladies, I leave you with this:

Allow yourself to admire and enjoy the success of others. Lest not we forget the 7 Deadly Sins (“envy” is a bitch).

You may not be ready to release “the envy”. If so, proceed cautiously with “the bitch” (beware of “lust”). But I digress…(perhaps Sigmund will moderate that discussion at a future time).

Back to the lab. There is much data to process regarding other Chicago professional sports teams…and the like. There is never enough time, it seems.

Fondly, Albert

As some of you may have noticed, things have been a bit slow here at the darkest corner of the internet. It usually is this way after the football season because the Bears suck so bad, the amount of down time increases and thus, gives me less motivation to write.

Today, I finally decided to get to something I have been wanting to write about for a while. We had a tournament of Chicago babes in 2013. It was fantastic and generated conversation of some of the various ladies we get to see on Chicago television. After a year off, I organized another one and thought the choices were great.

It seems, though, that when have we these tournaments, bad things happen to the contestants. I called it the curse of Chicago TV babes. From getting married to fired and/or leaving Chicago completely, it has made yours truly, a very sad man. After looking at the two tournaments, you can see for yourself how awful this has been. So after looking at this list, do we have another tournament? Do we have it with less contestants or just not one at all? Weigh in with your thoughts.

2013 (12 of 16 contestants)

Cheryl Scott (champion) – Left NBC 5 for ABC 7; thrown into rumors of a now, former player of the Chicago Blackhawks

Susannah Collins (runner-up) – Fired for a slip-up on the air in regards to the Blackhawks

Jen Lada (Both 2013 and 2015) – Left Comcast SportsNet for ESPN (ANGRY)

Erin McElroy – Married Demetrius Ivory

Alicia Roman – Married a douche

Kate Sullivan – Fired

Krystle Gutierrez – Left

Daniella Guzman – Left

Kerry Sayers – MIA

Anna Davlantes – No longer on TV (Went to WGN Radio)

Lauren Jiggetts (Both 2013 and 2015) – Married and had a child

Kim Vatis – Left

2015 (5 of 16 contestants)

Brooke Weisbrod – Left

Erin Kennedy (runner-up) – Pregnant (again)

Lyndsay Petruny (winner) – Left (ANGRY)

Who do you have for the Super Bowl?