Fire Ryan Poles | Fire Ben Johnson

Petition to remove Kenny Albert from NBC

Well folks, it has come to this. The Blackhawks lost yet, another game with Kenny Albert announcing. That’s three in a row and three games the Blackhawks needed to try to win their division. And thanks to The Kiss of Death to Chicago sports, the Blackhawks are losing the chance to grab the division. As I have stated here numerous times, Albert announced all seven games in the 2014 Western Conference Final in which the Blackhawks lost to the Kings. Then last year, the Blackhawks found themselves down 3-2 with four of those games (three of them losses) being called by this weasel. Thankfully, NBC made the switch to have Emrick call Game Six and, what do you know? The Blackhawks win that game as well as the decisive Game Seven in Anaheim on their way to winning the Cup.

Without further ado, here is what I submitted online to NBC Sports:

My name is [name redacted] and I am a fan of some Chicago sports’ teams. I am writing to you because I have a complaint about announcer Kenny Albert.

For the last decade, Kenny Albert has called games involving teams that are from Chicago. With the Chicago Bears, most important games since 2007 have resulted in losses with Albert on the call.

The Blackhawks lost the Western Conference Final in 2014 with Albert announcing all seven games. Last year, the Blackhawks found themselves down 3-2 with Game Six at home. Albert announced four of the five games. Mike Emrick called Game Six in which, the Blackhawks won and likewise for Game Seven.

With this track record, Kenny Albert is the Kiss of Death to Chicago sports. I am tired of him announcing games involving teams from Chicago because they lose many of them, especially important ones.

Tonight, this was the tipping point. I am writing this to you on March, 20th. The Blackhawks have lost have lost their last three games on NBCSN with Kenny Albert announcing. As my proof above states, this has been a trend for the Blackhawks since 2014 in games he has called. While they have won some of those games, important ones like the last three and the last two Western Conference Final series are proof that they lose most of them. When Mike Emrick announces, the Blackhawks have a better chance of winning.

Please, I am begging whoever is in charge to please, release Kenny Albert from NBC Sports. I am already gathering a letter to Fox Sports as well to release Albert. He is bad luck and what I coin at my blog as “The Kiss of Death to Chicago sports”.

You have my email address and if someone could call me, please email back and I will reply with my phone number. I am a frustrated fan who has had it and I do not want the Chicago Blackhawks to lose their chance to repeat as Stanley Cup Champions because of Kenny Albert like they did in 2014. I have submitted evidence in this letter to prove that the Blackhawks lose many of their games with him on the call.

Thank you.

…long overdue, but it looks like Fro and I will meet in the city for an important confab on Saturday evening 3/26…you’re invited.

“Illinois views Lovie Smith’s mediocrity and condescension as a step up”

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/rosenblog/ct-lovie-smith-illinois-rosenbloom-20160307-column.html

As you may have noticed, we haven’t had much activity going around on here, the darkest corner of the internet. It’s been a busy few weeks for me.

The Blackhawks are doing their thing on the ice as well as off the ice. It’s great to see an old friend in Andrew Ladd return. If only the Blackhawks would have brought back Dustin Byfuglien and the meatballs would have been in a frenzy. Oh well. Good win by them as well against the Capitals this past Sunday. That was a close one.

The Bulls continue to be a tire fire and will remain that way for the next decade. I think most of us NBA fans are aware that the Warriors are what the Bulls were in the 90’s. They may very well win five or six in a row. As of this writing, they are one win ahead of the pace of the 1995-96 Bulls for the best record in an NBA regular season. I never thought I would see a team get close to that mark.

Last, but not least, the Bears still have Ted Phillips employed. That fucking sucks. But hey, Alshon Jeffery is coming back with the franchise tag. Let’s pray the Bears don’t fuck it up by letting him go after next season.

Your thoughts as always, are welcome below.

NEW YORK – 1947: Portrait taken in 1947 by Philippe Halsman of Albert Einstein. Halsman’s photograph of Einstein was used as a basis for the United States 8 cent postage stamp issued in 1961. (Photo by:Philippe Halsman/AFP/Getty Images)

If Albert Einstein was alive today, he’d be saying: “I told you so.” WTF, you say? It’s simple: the gravitational waves have been detected.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/albert-einstein-scientists-detect-gravitational-waves/story?id=36858618

And just how is this relevant to “us”? Well, I just happened to hear from “Albert” recently (he used to post here as “e=mc2” but misplaced his user name/pw; I’ve just provided him with that info).

Dear Gentleman and Lady fans of the Chicago Bears, your National Football League professional sports organization.

I trust that you are enjoying a break from the game, now that the Super Bowl has been completed, as this marks the end of another miserable football season for fans of the Chicago Bears. My hope is that you will find a vestige of peace and comfort during the “off-season” (a term that I find to be rather peculiar,  as the Chicago Bears appeared to be “off” during most of their just completed campaign).

As you know, data intrigues me. Some have accused me of being obsessive. Many have asked of me “Albert, why do you spend so many hours in the lab? What do you do for fun?”

I regret that at this time, current obligations do not allow me to respond to the aforementioned question in detail. However, I am pleased to share some information with you. You may initially find this information to be quite disturbing, but my fervent hope is that you can eventually accept the truth, which could lead to a peaceful, easy feeling. After all, is a life without comfort worth living?

So take heart: There is absolutely no reason to expect your beloved Chicago Bears to contend for any prizes in 2016-2017.

Why waste your life expecting any measure of success?  There is absolutely no data to suggest that the current owners and upper level management are capable of achieving success. They have not spent enough time in the lab, and even if they did it would not alter the course as their collective intelligence is sorely lacking.

“Albert, take heart, you say?” Yes. Take heart. Let go of any expectations for success.

You may choose to view the upcoming season as a comedy of errors. Enjoy the comedy, laugh. Laughter is good for the soul.

Or, choose to ignore the proceedings entirely. Rather than pondering, reading about, or watching/listening to anything related to the Chicago Bears professional football team, ignore the numbskulls behind the curtain and simply have fun.

But if you must pay attention to the National Football League, I encourage you to observe successful teams and players, even those that you despise or wish failure upon.

For example: You despise the New England Patriots. They are magnificent cheaters, and the mere thought of Bill Belichik and Tom Brady leads to feelings of nausea, deep anger and relentless resentment. In some cases, depression may ensue.

Re-frame the picture. Imagine the unadulterated joy that the New England Patriots (National Football League professional sports team) regularly bestow upon their fans. Year in, year out – regardless of injuries and off-field distractions – the New England Patriots perform admirably on the field. Their owner Mr. Kraft is clearly intelligent and while making money is certainly a priority, the data suggests that winning is, too. How refreshing(!).

Imagine what it would be like if your team (the Chicago Bears National Football league professional sports team) had achieved similar success the last 10-15 years. Hard to fathom, but let’s give it a try:

…the Chicago Bears are well run organization, from top to bottom…they are a great football team…they are winners…

Breath deep, visualize it all….take a deep breath….repeat. And again.

Finally….forget about it and move on.

Gentlemen and Ladies, I leave you with this:

Allow yourself to admire and enjoy the success of others. Lest not we forget the 7 Deadly Sins (“envy” is a bitch).

You may not be ready to release “the envy”. If so, proceed cautiously with “the bitch” (beware of “lust”). But I digress…(perhaps Sigmund will moderate that discussion at a future time).

Back to the lab. There is much data to process regarding other Chicago professional sports teams…and the like. There is never enough time, it seems.

Fondly, Albert

As some of you may have noticed, things have been a bit slow here at the darkest corner of the internet. It usually is this way after the football season because the Bears suck so bad, the amount of down time increases and thus, gives me less motivation to write.

Today, I finally decided to get to something I have been wanting to write about for a while. We had a tournament of Chicago babes in 2013. It was fantastic and generated conversation of some of the various ladies we get to see on Chicago television. After a year off, I organized another one and thought the choices were great.

It seems, though, that when have we these tournaments, bad things happen to the contestants. I called it the curse of Chicago TV babes. From getting married to fired and/or leaving Chicago completely, it has made yours truly, a very sad man. After looking at the two tournaments, you can see for yourself how awful this has been. So after looking at this list, do we have another tournament? Do we have it with less contestants or just not one at all? Weigh in with your thoughts.

2013 (12 of 16 contestants)

Cheryl Scott (champion) – Left NBC 5 for ABC 7; thrown into rumors of a now, former player of the Chicago Blackhawks

Susannah Collins (runner-up) – Fired for a slip-up on the air in regards to the Blackhawks

Jen Lada (Both 2013 and 2015) – Left Comcast SportsNet for ESPN (ANGRY)

Erin McElroy – Married Demetrius Ivory

Alicia Roman – Married a douche

Kate Sullivan – Fired

Krystle Gutierrez – Left

Daniella Guzman – Left

Kerry Sayers – MIA

Anna Davlantes – No longer on TV (Went to WGN Radio)

Lauren Jiggetts (Both 2013 and 2015) – Married and had a child

Kim Vatis – Left

2015 (5 of 16 contestants)

Brooke Weisbrod – Left

Erin Kennedy (runner-up) – Pregnant (again)

Lyndsay Petruny (winner) – Left (ANGRY)

Who do you have for the Super Bowl?

https://firejohnfox.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/tanks-fer-nuttin/

Our good friend Dan from Fire Ron Turner received a letter from Ted Phillips the other day. You can see that in the link above for the full story. It turns out, Ted is telling all of the fans that he and the Bears are sorry for sucking again. But no worries says Teddy. The Bears are going to do their best by raising ticket prices 10 fucking percent this year. You’re telling me that my $200 seats are going to cost $220 this year? These fuckers keep raising prices for a franchise that continues to lose double-digit games every season? Oh, that’s just fucking awesome.

PATHETIC.

The Super Bowl is now set with the Denver Broncos going up against the Carolina Panthers. And with these two teams in the final game of the season, I will point out some ways it’s tied to decisions that the Bears have made over the course of the last decade.

Lovie Smith fires Ron Rivera for his friend, Bob Babich. Babich goes on to suck for the Bears and since, they have been in a realm of irrelevancy. Rivera, on the other hand, goes to Carolina, builds a team over the course of several years and is now, in the Super Bowl.

Lovie and offensive dumbass, Mike Martz, decide that Greg Olsen is no longer needed on their team. The Bears trade Olsen to the Panthers. Olsen now has a chance to win a Super Bowl.

And last, but not least, what do these two teams have in common?

Both have fired John Fox, who currently coaches the Chicago Bears. And both of his replacements are in this game.

I only pray that history is on our side as fans of the Bears.