Fire Ryan Poles | Fire Ben Johnson

How many assholes in Chicago sports have been fired in the last 13 years? I’ve definitely lost track. But regardless, we’ve done a good job showing how badly we wanted most of them gone.

It was August 1st, 2008. The old website was in dire need of an update. The person running it vanished.

As I sat there on my Compaq Presario desktop (with the monitor standing on a TV dinner tray), I got to work. Within an hour or two, this very website was started. I was living in a one-bedroom apartment where the bedroom was bigger than the kitchen and living room combined.

I seriously cannot put it all into words at this moment. At 35, I’ve spent a third of my life between both sites nearly everyday. That is crazy. Many have left. Some have stuck around. And others have found us recently. To all of you, seriously, thank you. It has become routine for me to say the same things every year around this time. But it’s true. I cannot express the gratitude enough. All of you keep this website going.

I have to personally thank Genrebuster for helping out here. When you’re an awesome musician like him, you’re in demand often. Make sure you give him credit for posting here because he’s on the go constantly. I should pay this guy.

No matter what, I will keep this site going just for the sentiment. But I must say that all of you are why I keep checking in and still post. Sure, it’s not as often as it use to be. But it’s great to still see a few of us together. All of you are the best bunch of pissed off bastards I’ve ever talked to. I don’t get paid to do this. In fact, I pay money just to have this site. It’s worth every penny I’ve spent on it.

Thank you again to all of you contributing or if you’re just stopping by to see what the darkest corner of the internet provides. It isn’t taken for granted.

– Fro Dog

Two years ago, I rescued a pitbull/rottweiler and named him Slash. He’s a good boy. He does the right thing by taking a shit in the neighbor’s yard. He knows all the commands and is the most loyal dog anyone could ask for.

When I pick up his shit, I put a plastic bag in this Chicago Bears’ trash can and get to work. Until recently, I was blinded by the irony of putting dog shit in a trash can with the Bears’ logo on it. I actually feel it’s an insult to dog shit to call the Bears “dog shit.”

With training camp arriving by the end of the month, we’re all just on standby waiting for another lost season. And again, I’ll re-iterate that Roger Goodell and the owners are pieces of shit by having 17 games in a season. Scumbags.

But hey, look at this dog. He knows that when he takes a shit, it’s going in the right trash can.

It’s almost 2:00 A.M. and I am finally getting around to this. I’ll try to keep it short.

This past Saturday, the greatest play-by-play voice in my lifetime, Marv Albert, called it quits. He went all the way to 80 before retiring.

This guy was my childhood. As young as I was, I remember every Bulls championship. I remember going absolutely nuts after every one of them. But Marv was at the center of the first five championships as the voice I heard on TV calling them. Bob Costas called the last one and while he’s definitely up there for the best, he isn’t Marv.

I made sure to watch most of the game Saturday night, especially the last quarter. Seeing his farewell after the game was bittersweet.

But I can’t be upset. I have to be blessed. For the last three decades, I’ve heard him call basketball games. I felt spoiled.

If there was one thing that would piss me off about Marv, it’s that he didn’t pull out all those years ago and thus, created The Kiss of Death to Chicago Sports, Kenny. I know that “curse” was broken last year in the form of two come-from-behind victories by the Bears in the first three weeks. But come on. WHY???

But let’s get back to why I called.

“They don’t make them like they use to.” And certainly, there will not be another Marv Albert. No one will even get that close. These new play-by-play guys are not even close to what would be deemed “great.”

Enjoy retirement, Marv. In fact, “YES!” I know you will.

Is anyone watching the playoffs in basketball, hockey or both? Both have been pretty exciting.

Other than that, I’m just treading water until training camp starts in late July as things stay quiet with our beloved Bears.

So last year, I was supposed to go L.A. to see the Bears play on what ended up being a disaster on Monday Night Football against the Rams. One of my guys grew up in Hawaii and now, lives in L.A. He grew up a Bears fan and he came here for the opening game of the season against the Packers two years ago.

After seeing the schedule, I still promised to come out there for a game if the Bears were playing. It just so happens to be the season opener on Sunday Night Football. Of course, I booked the flight immediately since I had a credit from last year that I had to use up soon.

There is a 99% chance the Bears are going to be very bad this year. It will be worse than last year if you can believe that. Of course, I am excited to see Los Angeles for the first time. Every Saturday before the season starts, the town I grew up in has a festival where a lot of people come back to town. People I grew up with all convey in this one parking lot of this hole-in-the-wall bar where we all catch up on life. We didn’t get to do this last year because of obvious reasons. So, as it seems, I’ll be missing that for the first time in a decade. It hits me a bit personally because I won’t be there.

So, as the title says, am I an idiot for wasting my time going to watch the Bears? I mean, at least the Bears aren’t getting all of my money since the game isn’t at Soldier Field. But still. Flight and food along with whatever else I spend isn’t cheap.

I should probably ask the airline for another credit and put that money towards hookers and blow.

As you all know, the scumbag owners along with the scumbag commissioner paved way for the players to further risk injury by adding a 17th game for the season moving forward.

I hate to say this because I truly feel this way. But I only see four wins on this schedule. Those are the games against the Bengals, 49ers, Lions (the first match-up) and the Giants. Every year, I always find a game that they win when nobody expects them to. Maybe that game against the Steelers? But really, they are playing one of the toughest schedules and it doesn’t help that this team is ran by frauds.

What are your predictions?

My thoughts are as simple as they get: These guys will end up busts as it usually goes for this franchise. Pace will probably get an extension and Ted Phillips will tell everyone after another lost season that “the team is on the right track.”

Will it be by drafting a bust with their original pick?

Will it be by trading away the next few first-round picks just to move up two spots to get a bust?

Or, will Ryan Pace draft someone in the first round from a Division III school that he feels will be a diamond in the rough? (Spoiler: If this happens, the pick ends up being a bust.)

So many concerns. Little-to-no resolutions. Entertain me in the comment section.

(BE YOU = A STUPID IDIOT)

Well, we only have one more season of the bald-headed dipshit. Matt Nagy announced Friday that he is going to resume his duties of poorly calling the offense. You know what that means? It means more of passing the ball on second and inches. It also means those wonderful bubble screens on 3rd and 25 with a chance to still win the game. It also means the incompetence of not calling a sneak on 4th and an inch.

This idiot’s faith has been sealed. He knows he’s out the door and because of this, he’s going to sabotage this team in every way possible. I’ve said this about every idiot before him that the only way a job is kept is if they win a Super Bowl. Not make the playoffs. Not get to the Super Bowl. WIN THE SUPER BOWL. As you all know, that won’t happen.

I am posting this article as the Blackhawks are currently playing like horseshit. Even they can’t cheer me up like they use to. This is just BAD. Chicago sports is just BAD. I don’t see it getting better anytime soon.

And back to the Bears, George McCaskey gets a lot of shit and rightfully so. But everyone should credit him for being the only owner in the league to vote against a 17th game. Fuck Roger Goodell as well as the rest of the owners. Greedy fucks.

Well, this “break” didn’t last long. And special thanks to Chucky for telling me this news as I had no idea until I read what he posted in the previous thread.

The Original Kiss of Death to Chicago Sports, Dick Stockton, has announced his retirement after what seemed like a century.

Make no mistake about it, he was the true kibosh to any impending success Chicago teams may have had. Even before I was old enough to remember things, he was at the helm of failure. The Bulls in the late 80’s come to mind. They just could never get over the hump to a championship then. Jordan was always stopped by Bird or the Pistons. Bird stopped him early in his career. Then came the Pistons. Game 7 in 1990 and the Bulls had that chance. Pippen had the migraine (probably from listening to Dick Stockton call the games as he was preparing). But there he was to put an end to that. What happens after that season? The NBA goes to NBC where Dick Stockton is nowhere to be found and the Bulls finally get to the top of the mountain. Coincidence?

Here’s the one (or two) that I remember very well. Remember the 2007 and 2008 Cubs? I’m in my last year of college when this started and Dick Stockton called all of those games in the playoffs. What happens? The team plays like it’s 1997 and get swept. The next year? Sweep again. To add salt to the wound, him calling those awful games are tattooed inside my head. It’s a voice that you can hear in your nightmares. That last game in ’08 had me taking shit down off the wall in my apartment and officially ending my emotional interest in baseball. Thanks for everything, Dick (Stockton).

We also can’t forget about him usually being on the call for our beloved Bears since I was a child. I think the season opener of this past year was the first game the Bears won with him calling it in probably a decade (at least). I can’t seem to recall. But damn. It seemed Dick Stockton was announcing many of the games they lost. And as we all know, there were a TON of losses. Of course, we can’t blame then-CBS and now-FOX for putting him there to call the games. Had the Bears actually been competent, maybe we would have had the fortune of hearing someone else. But no, the Bears have been irrelevant since the 80’s and thus, get people in their 80’s to call most of the games. Any others that were on were called by the other Kiss Of Death to Chicago Sports, Kenny Albert (maybe we’ve turned a corner with him?).

It’s too bad he didn’t retire 35 years ago. Better late than never? No. The damage has been done.

Good riddance.