Fire Ryan Poles | Fire Ben Johnson

The Bears are about to give me a damn heart attack. Other than special teams on Sunday, I didn’t feel good about anything the Bears did and I was there on the 35 yard line witnessing the clusterfuck that is the defense. This season so far has been nothing short of Genre’s favorite word, PATHETIC. I have a bunch to talk about so let’s get this going:

Offense: The offense didn’t play as bad as the stats (Cue Irish Yeti) say they did. I believe Cutler only had one pass in the first half. That’s fine with me. I am a fan of running the football all damn day. In reality, a balanced offense is what is needed. Matt Forte was the first Bear to rush for over 200 yards since the man they call “Sweetness” did it in 1977. Will the dumbass Jerry Angelo pay this man already? Just give him a check and let him fill in the numbers. He IS the Bears’ offense. The offensive line played decent but damnit, Frank Omiyale is terrible. He was getting beat quite a bit during the game. Something is wrong with Cutler too. He seems to be scared shitless everytime he drops back. I hate to say this but it’s all in the head for this guy now. He has no confidence in his line and he shouldn’t either. They are still terrible. And Dane Sanzenbacher being the only target for Cutler? He dropped an easy pass for a first down. Roy Williams also met his quota of getting only one catch per game he plays. How awful. As I was driving home, a bunch of idiots were calling the Score and complaining about Cutler’s body language on the field. Maybe if this guy had an actual offensive line along with real receivers, this guy wouldn’t be so fucked up in the head. I blame this all on Angelo but that’s a discussion for another day.

Defense: Here I go with the ranting: With the exception of D.J. Moore’s lucky interception for a touchdown in the first quarter, the defense was useless. They gave up almost 550 yards of total offense. Cam Newton had his I-Pass and it became painful to watch. Assholes like Major Wright Wrong and Chris Steltz are terrible excuses for a safety. They couldn’t cover anybody all day. Tim Jennings, who has replaced Charles Tillman (Worthless) in the “(Fuck you)” department, was terrible. When a team is averaging 20 yards a play, there is a pretty good chance you will lose. Only on Sunday, was a rare instance where that didn’t happen. Steve fucking Smith averaged 22 yards PER CATCH. THAT IS FUCKING HORRIBLE. Note to all the cornerbacks and receivers: PICK A RECEIVER AND STAY ON HIM YOU DIPSHITS. QUIT WANDERING AROUND THE DAMN FIELD LOOKING AT THE QUARTERBACK. And the last thing I will say is Lance Briggs has been nothing short of horrendous. He is also very bad when he drops back into coverage. Instead of trying to defend the tight end/receiver he is suppose to cover, he stands there staring at the quarterback.

Special teams: Thank God for the special teams. Devin Hester took a punt back for a touchdown. He broke Eric Metcalf’s record for most punt returns for a touchdown. He nearly took one back earlier in the game as well on a kickoff. With the score 24-20, Julius Peppers blocked an easy field goal by Olindo Mare. In the 4th quarter, Mare barely missed a 52 yard field goal that would have given the Panthers the lead. Phew.

Here are the Bears sitting at 2-2. Next Monday night, the Detroit Lions are going to show the Chicago Bears what wide receivers look like. Pray for a miracle.

All of your ANGER shall be placed here.

I cannot believe the season is over after just three games. The Packers did exactly what I thought they were going to do and the game isn’t even over yet. How stupid of me to get excited about this season.

Nothing changed. The offensive line has no ability to protect Cutler. The wide receivers cannot run a route and when they actually do, they do not catch the ball. Mike Martz is a fucking idiot.

The defense is overrated and shitty. Aaron Rodgers for the 50th time it seems, had his way with the Bears’ defense. Tim Jennings has learned tremendously from Charles Tillman (Worthless) on how to be a shitty cornerback who does not know how to defend a wide receiver. FIND A RECEIVER AND STAY ON HIM YOU SON OF A BITCH. What a bunch of stupid fucks.

For the love of God, someone please fire Jerry Angelo. He is the catalyst for this entire clusterfuck of a situation. It will take a long time to get out of it but firing him soon will make the recovery process quicker. I am sick and tired of this shit.

I told myself I wouldn’t talk much about what happened against the Saints on Sunday so I’ll try to keep it to a minimum. That game was the icing on the cake for all that has happened to the Bears in the last few years. We saw it all: Bad play calling, safeties and cornerbacks who can’t defend wide receivers/tight ends (Surprisingly, Tillman (Worthless) wasn’t that bad) and horrendous play by the offensive line. When one cornerback (D.J. Moore) can’t defend a receiver and only to have that receiver beat two safeties (Chris Conti and Major Wrong), your team is in trouble. This problem however rests on the shoulders of Bears’ general manager Jerry Angelo.

Angelo has been the Bears general manager for close to ten years now. What does he have to show for it? Zero Super Bowl victories and that is unacceptable. They were close in 2006 and they had a legitimate chance to get there last year but close is not enough. Angelo is not the one on the field not sucking ass by not covering the receivers but he is the one signing/trading for/drafting them. And to add to that, his first round draft picks have been miserable throughout the years. Let’s take a look at them: Marc Colombo, Rex Grossman, Michael Haynes, Tommie Harris, Cedric Benson, Greg Olsen, Chris Williams and Gabe Carimi.

How many of those guys are still on this team? Two (Williams and Carimi). That just goes to show how inept he has been with drafting players. He signs some other players and then gets rid of them because they are not “his guys” or not liked by the coaches. He traded away Thomas Jones to give Cedric Benson the full-time running back position only have him be misused by the coaches and later released because of his off-field troubles. Greg Olsen did just fine last year but was traded because dip shit Mike Martz wanted a bigger tight end to block. How is that working out?

Angelo is drafting/signing key positions like cornerback, safety and offensive lineman. The problem is, none of them are any good. Kellen Davis for tight end? Fucking terrible? Frank OmiGod? Awful. Carimi has been alright but he will be out for a month. Chris Spencer and Roberto Garza are playing out of position on the line and it’s becoming a problem. IS THERE NOT ONE OFFENSIVE LINEMAN FREE AGENT WHO IS OUT THERE THAT IS BETTER? NOT ONE?

Am I pissed off? Being pissed off would be understatement. The Bears once again were close to having a chance to win the Super Bowl and they fucked it up when it mattered the most. This all starts with Jerry Angelo. I am certain some douche is going to post a comment by saying “Well, Angelo drafted Hester and traded for Cutler”. If you want to give him credit for that, fine. He has fucked up more than he has succeeded. Let’s not forget the signings he had where gave players like Chester Taylor and Brandon Manumauleuseless lucrative contracts only to release them after one season. I think it’s proof that the Bears are not cheap asses. They spend a lot of money, just not wisely.

I am not forgetting about Lovie Smith and Mike Martz either. All three of these assholes contribute to the failures of the Bears. While Angelo gets someone like Cutler or Hester, the coaches screw them up by trying to make Hester a wide receiver or not giving the greatest quarterback in franchise history a decent offensive line. Last year, the Bears went nearly the entire season healthy and they only went so far. This year, the injuries are piling up and there is zero depth on this team to back it up. Injuries are no excuse and other teams find ways to way regardless. Still, however, Lovie Smith will go up to the podium and spew his bullshit of “We’re a good football team and we’ll get these problems corrected for the next game”. The problem is, he has said that after every loss for the last seven years. I would like him much more if he just told the truth. Enough is enough. For the Bears organization, it’s time to clean house.

So after the Bears get their asses kicked on Sunday, I’ll be here writing a recap. It will probably contain this: Cutler carried off by stretcher at halftime, pass defense does nothing as usual; Aaron Rodgers brings his I-Pass to Chicago and goes 30/34 for 406 yards and three touchdowns. I will also say that the Bears’ season is all but over just after three games. I have a good reason to. This shit is so bad, it is reminding me of the 2007 season.

The Bears are down 23-13 with the Saints driving once again at the end of the 3rd quarter. This game is over. The defense has been pathetic all day long. Drew Brees as expected, is having his way with the Bears’ secondary.

I have never found myself so disinterested in a game after being so excited beforehand.

The Bears have the soon-to-be 2-0 Packers next week at home. 1-2 here we come.

To say the least, this past weekend I had was very fun. On Saturday, I went to my first hometown west of Freeport for an annual town festival and had a chance to meet up with a lot of old friends that I hadn’t seen in years. A lot of us were together and talking about the old days as kids and it was the most fun I had in a long time. Since most of us were talking for a while, I ended up not getting back to Dekalb and in bed until 4:00 so I only slept for about four and a half hours before getting up, showering quickly and driving to Soldier Field.

I arrived around 10:45 and had just enough time to meet up with Carl, Dan and Gerry from Fire Mike Martz. If you guys are reading this, it was awesome meeting up and I am sure we will have a lot more time to tailgate when we are all there later this season. This next sentence is not a joke: Sarah Spain was in the same parking lot as all of us. Yes. The same Sarah Spain who called me a hater and said that my article about her being a skank was completely incorrect. I was within ten feet of her when I was hesitating whether or not to talk to her. I decided to be a pussy and bite my tongue mainly because there were three muscular guys around her and I think it would have been dumb that myself, a 5’9 165 pound guy would say something to set her, or any of the three douches that were around her off. I am guessing those guys were there because she was once again, auctioning herself off to the highest bidder. It was a Bears’ game after all.

My brother and I had really good seats as shown above. We were in the fifth row of section 226 on the south end zone. It was the first opener we have ever been to so we were really pumped for this. The pregame stuff was pretty cool with the American Flag filling the entire field and Jim Cornelison singing the National Anthem with everyone cheering like it was a Blackhawks’ game. We were both surprised that jets didn’t do a fly over during the anthem. Anyway, the Bears played a great game. There were a couple stupid things that were done (Aren’t there always with the Bears?) but overall, a very enjoyable game. As always, here are my thoughts in detail:

Offense: The offense looked much better than I thought it would be. I think the offensive line protected Cutler for the most part although he was still sacked four times. It’s a work in progress. I still prefer Roberto Garza to play at guard with Chris Spencer at center full time. Time for stats (Cue Irish Yeti): The Bears only had 92 yards of rushing. That needs to increase. The balance of rushing/passing was present and that is a very good sign. Matt Forte is awesome. I thought he should have signed the offer he had last week but he wants more cash. After today, I say do whatever it takes. If he keeps having great games like this, his value will go up. He led the team in both rushing and receiving yards. I think the backup Khalil Bell had a decent game as well and I am confident, he can carry the load when Forte is getting a break.

Through the air, Cutler played alright. I know I said I enjoyed this game and that is true but Cutler did a few stupid things. First, he over threw a receiver at least three times. He threw the ball in tight coverage at least twice and luckily wasn’t intercepted. That was until the fourth quarter when Jay Cutler Rex Grossman threw the ball right to Jason Taylor Kroy Biermann for a pick six. No bueno. On the good side, he threw the ball to eight different receivers. Roy Williams had a few nice catches but unfortunately, had a groin injury and could miss some games. That hurts because he is the only receiver who can actually jump up and get a ball if it’s thrown to him. The last thing I have to complain about is third down conversions. Just like last year (And the year before that, and the year before that…), the Bears sucked ass on third down efficiency. They should have scored more than 23 offensive points. At least Robbie Gould had a chance to give his leg a workout. But seriously, this shit needs to stop.

Defense: Anybody ready for me to complain about the defense? Well, I won’t do it too much. The only thing I have to say that’s bad is that the defense still sucks when the other team is in a hurry-up offense and therefore, gave up over 400 total yards. I still think the defense was dominant. They did not give up a touchdown and Matt Ryan’s face was put into the ground countless times. The line was outstanding getting five sacks by Peppers, Melton and Okoye. Speaking of Peppers, his stats (Cue Irish Yeti) don’t always tell the whole story. He put pressure on Ryan many times and caused him to run for his life including a forced fumble in which that Brian Urlacher guy ran it in for a touchdown. Urlacher is healthy once again and has seemed to have found the fountain of youth. We all know he is a bit slower but he is still pretty damn good. He had a diving interception early in the game and had six tackles. Finally, I am going to give major props to Charles Tillman (Worthless). It’s only the first game but he actually covered the receivers he was playing defense on and forced a turnover in the process. I wish he could play like that every game.

That will be it for now. The Bears take on the Saints next Sunday afternoon. I know the Saints are missing Maques Colston and I believe, another receiver but this offense is still one of the best in the NFL. Let’s see if the Bears’ defense can hold down the fort.

And you know what that means for us Bears fans: Another year filled with a crappy offensive line, cornerbacks who can’t cover receivers and coaches who take their stupid pills. That being said, I am still ready because it is football although I am not that excited for the Bears in particular. I will be at the game Sunday along with the good guys from Fire Mike Martz. As I always recommend, check out their site. They go more in-depth about the Bears and they write better articles than I do.

My opinion on the Bears this year is about the same as last year. I admit I was wrong about the Bears’ record last year and so were many others. However, the results of how they played when it mattered the most was still spot on. They did sign saftey Brandon Merriweather earlier who use to play for the Patriots but who knows if he has anything left. I do think it’s an upgrade from second year player Major Wright Wrong who couldn’t cover or tackle anyone to save his life.

I will say that in the last few years, the Bears have proved that they are not cheap when it comes to paying players. They paid Julius Peppers quite a bit of cash but most of the other players they signed have shown that the money isn’t spent wisely. It’s frustrating. The man to blame in this is Jerry Angelo. He has screwed up draft pick after draft pick and he has made more bad decisions on free agent signings than good ones. As I said last year, I would be more than happy to eat all my words on the Bears’ management and coaches had they won the Super Bowl. They have had two legitimate chances to win the Super Bowl in the last five years and they failed both times.

In my opinion, time is ticking on this franchise if they want a chance to win soon. Briggs and Urlacher are on the wrong side of the 30 and I don’t know how much longer Cutler is even going to be playing because of all the times he is getting thrown into the ground. God forbid that one of these days, his career ends because the offensive line couldn’t protect him.

I’ll have a Bears recap sometime Sunday night or Monday. Have a good weekend everybody.

We are one week away from the NFL season starting. I have been getting in the groove by playing a lot of Madden ’12. I tell you guys, this game is as real as it gets. It’s so real, that the Bears secondary doesn’t even play defense in the video game either. Charles Tillman (Worthless) still can’t cover a receiver. And no worries for the stat geeks out there: I played man-to-man coverage and he still can’t catch anybody. This is for Chucky: In the game, Lovie just stands there and moves his head left to right all the time. Cutler also was sacked about five times in one of the games I played. It’s just like you are watching it on TV!

About a month ago on WWE Monday Night Raw, CM Punk asked Vince McMahon to bring back the WWF Ice Cream Bars that were popular in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

While watching that classic promo from Punk about trying to bring that product back, I thought of something else that should also be brought back. I am talking about this:

That’s right folks. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies! I was probably 5 or 6 when these babies arrived. I can remember eating at least one of these almost every day because my parents at the time owned a small grocery store and I was able to to snag them off the shelves whenever I pleased. I am sure Hostess would cash in pretty nicely if these pies returned. Man, I miss the old days.