Fire Ryan Poles | Fire Ben Johnson

35-0 and counting. Come on Bears! Don’t stop until it’s 70-0!

This Sunday, barring any collapse by the Packers and/or Lions, is the Bears last chance to keep whatever prayer they have, alive. Looking at the standings, the division seems like the best chance for them to get in. The problem is, they are about four games back halfway through the season.

The Bears must win out to guarantee a playoff spot. Even if they go 7-1, it will be difficult seeing many other teams have better records who aren’t division leaders.

Ah, fuck it. This team sucks. Who am I crapping?

Wow. This was one of the very few games where ThomASS wasn’t responsible for a loss. Hinrich hits two straight three’s. Bulls are up six with less than a minute to go. The Cavaliers get a basket. It’s 96-93 with 46 seconds to go. I repeat: The Bulls are up 96-93 with 46 seconds to go. What is the best possible strategy? If you guessed playing the clock and not rushing a shot, you would be correct.

That is, however, if you are a dumbass by the name of Taj Gibson. He usually takes jump shots and usually, he misses. After I spent all game talking to my friend about how much Noah and Gasol suck with their own jump shots (Gasol missed 11 or 12 of them in this game), I was really wishing that I wouldn’t have anything else to bitch about. But here it is. With only about ten seconds off the shot clock, this hack decides to take a 15-footer and promptly missed it. Then, Kyrie Irving drives right down, gets a favorable foul call, which results in a three-point play. The game is tied. Overtime arrives and as expected, the Bulls lose.

Well, the Bears suck. The Blackhawks have been getting some bad breaks recently but I think they will turn it around. What’s left? Those Bulls. Yes, those same Bulls who have been irrelevant since 1998. Another season has arrived and from what I understand, Joakim Noah’s knees are already a problem along with his two bad feet. Rose’s two bad knees are apparently, healed. Over/under before ThomASS makes sure he gets hurt? I predict the 19th game of the season when the Bulls are up 35 with three minutes left. ThomASS still has his starters in the game and all are near or above 40 minutes. Rose jogs down the court and pulls/tears something. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

YESSIR. Thank You.

jimmy d. Says:
October 24, 2014 at 9:06 pm

HOLY SHIT!!! Joe Maddon is available. This could be the actual step needed to propel our beloved Cubs to the pinnacle of World Series Champions! Get him signed…at any cost! OMG, there’s still hope that I could see a World Series Championship before I’m put into the ground!!! DO IT NOW!!!

*Note: I am writing the recap for Sunday’s game against the Patriots now so I don’t have to waste my time after it concludes. Let’s see how right (or wrong) I am.

Well, it just wasn’t enough today. The Bears started off well. Cutler was money the entire first quarter and alright in the second. Then, the wheels fell off on both sides. Tom Brady was out of rhythm and when the second half started, he turned back into Tom Brady. The defense couldn’t stop anybody. The Bears are now in last place and with the Packers playing tonight, they could be four games out of first place halfway through the season.

Offense: It seems like Forte is the only one giving a damn on offense. It finally looked like Trestman understood that running the ball is what this team needs. Even Lovie fucking Smith knew that he had to start running the ball when Martz was in charge. Instead, Trestman does it just for a bit and then, all of a sudden, it stops. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Every fucking year, we all think the Bears finally have it and just for it to all go to shit is what pisses me off the most. According the “experts”, the Bears have one of the most talented teams in the NFL. And it’s true. The problem is coaching. Cutler and the rest just aren’t being put in the best position to succeed. It’s 2nd and 5 in the red zone and Trestman calls a pass? Cutler throws it right to Alfonzo Denard with Marshall clearly covered. To make matters worse, the Bears are only down four late only for Cutler to throw the exact same pass in the same exact part of the field for his second interception. STOP THROWING IN DOUBLE-COVERAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD. FUCK!!!

Defense: Fine, it’s Tom Brady. Not many teams can stop him. But the fact of the matter is, the Bears couldn’t even stop E.J. fucking Manuel of the Bills (who’s now benched because God replaced him). But come on. At least try out there. Kyle Fuller is out there playing with a broken hand but Tim Jennings has been fucking terrible this year. He was burnt all last week by the Dolphins and today, Julian Edelman and Brandon LaFell made him their bitch. How fucking hard is it to for these assholes to stay on their receivers? Oh, and fuck Shea McClellin. I tried sticking up for this turd way too much. He couldn’t keep with Gronkowski and had terrible angles while trying to stop the run. The only ones who actually seem to give a fuck on defense are Ratliff, Young and Fuller. Everyone else, so not much. And that fucking sucks.

Special teams: Finally, someone on the Bears, Santonio Holmes, had a good return on one of punts. Sadly, it was called back by the 783rd illegal block in the back penalty by the Bears in the last five years. Congratulations special teams. You are the worst.

Next up: Thankfully, the Bears have a bye week. And by that, I mean they are waving bye to the 2014-2015 season. The icing on the cake will be in two weeks against the Packers at Lambeau on Sunday Night Football.

Fire Marc Trestman.

These recaps being written before games even end are becoming routine for me. I had the chance to go to this game today but realized that even though most think I’m stupid, I am not this stupid and decided against it. The Bears have lost again and now, are three games out of first place. The Dolphins came into Soldier Field and knocked around the Bears.

Offense: Is anybody else sick of that play where as soon as the ball is snapped, the quarterback throws right to the side (bubble screen, immediate pass to a reciever)? That play never fucking works. I was saying that shit when Jauron was coaching and likewise for Lovie. Why the fuck is it when a new coach or coordinator comes in, the SAME FUCKING PLAYS are being called? When a team gets a new staff, they should do something different. Maybe we need Albert to talk to the Bears about the definition of insanity. Flush the toilet on this shit.

Dickface threw an interception and fumbled the ball after being hit from behind. Dante Rosario also thought it would be awesome to hold the ball out for it to be fumbled and recovered by the Dolphins.

Defense: Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

Special Teams: Sucks.

Next up: The Patriots on the road. This should be fun. Tom Brady is jumping around like a seven year-old in a toy store waiting for this one.